Your Marketing is giving “pick me girl”. Sit down

Hey besties,

We have 2 problems in life :

• Brands trying to be be a lifestyle coach

• B2B content that could double as melatonin (if only it were that useful).

We’re living in an era where everything is a “lifestyle”.

We miss the old days when a project was just a project. A token launch was just a token launch. A dApp was just a dApp.

Now a DEX isn’t just a DEX, it’s a “financially-savvy BFF” sliding into people’s DMs with thirst traps. Emmmm maybe? No ? Let’s just not go there?

Meanwhile, some marketers are out here writing posts that sound like ChatGPT swallowed a thesaurus. “Leverage synergistic paradigms!” Cool, but my eyes just rolled out of my skull.

Stop trying to revolutionize our lives, who folded and said we want our lives revolutionized ? We defo don’t.

Today we’ll be yapping about :

• Crisis #1: Brands That Are Trying To Be “Lifestyle Coaches” And How to Avoid

• Crisis #2: B2B Content That’s Basically Ambien and How to Avoid

• The Golden Rule: How to Avoid all of the Above. 

Tag along now mi lord

Crisis #1: Brands That are Trying To Be “Lifestyle Coaches”

Every brand wants to be a movement. A lifestyle. A personality.

And it's not that branding doesn’t matter. It does. But when EVERY brand is trying to be a lifestyle, it all starts to feel a bit…forced and weird af.

How did we get here? Consumer tribes.

Ah, the rise of consumer tribes, where people buy into brands that align with their identity, has reshaped marketing. Degens buy into aesthetics, values, and communities.

Although we nailed this with memecoins, BTC, and maybe Pudgy Penguins, but somewhere along the way, every single project started thinking they needed to force an identity, whether or not their product actually supported it.

Not every project is a movement. Not every project needs to force a cult-like community. And that’s okay….

Why It Backfires:

• Overreach: Your Saas isn’t a “mindset.” Your token isn’t “an investment into my future” Stop it.

• Forced Communities: No one’s writing fanfic about your exchange Bill. Let it go.

• Aesthetic Overload: Not every brand needs a “Degen” rebrand. We see you, corporate companies.

Fix pls:

The brands that get it right don’t just slap on an identity, they naturally fit into a bigger cultural shift. They’re not forcing a movement; they’re aligning with real user behavior.

🔹 Know your lane. Not every brand needs to be a movement. Some of the strongest brands are the ones that focus on utility over hype.

🔹 Community isn’t something you declare: it’s something you earn. No one wants to “vibe” in a Telegram group if there’s no real reason to be there.

🔹 Hype without substance is a death sentence. If your only marketing strategy is “we’ll announce something soon,” don’t be surprised when engagement tanks.

🔹 Be the product people talk about, not the one they forget after the airdrop. Deliver actual value, and people will naturally rally around your brand.

🔹 Authenticity isn’t optional. People can tell when you’re trying too hard. The strongest communities form around brands that actually mean something, not ones that fake it for engagement.

🔹 Track what actually works. Knowing your audience isn’t just about vibes, it’s about data. Test different tones, formats, and messaging styles to see what resonates. Identify the narratives that drive engagement, conversions, and actual retention. Which campaigns led to real interaction? What kind of content gets ignored?

Fun fact you can do this with Cookie3: Get access now. 

Example: 

Ask: “Does this actually matter to my audience’s life, or am I just cosplaying Glossier?”

Pivot: Market your product’s purpose, not a personality.

❌ “Join the aura-boosting revolution!” (It’s toothpaste.)

✅ “Finally, a toothpaste that doesn’t taste like regret.”

Crisis #2: B2B Content That’s Basically Ambien

If lifestyle brands scream into megaphones, B2B content whispers through a coma.

Most B2B content is so dull it makes tax seminars look like Coachella. Whitepapers written by robots. LinkedIn posts that read like PowerPoint vomit. Blog titles like “Synergizing Vertical Integration Paradigms” (kill me now).

Here’s the thing: B2B buyers are humans. They binge Netflix. They scroll X. They’re highly intellectual. So why treat them like Excel spreadsheets?

Why It Flops:

• Robo-Tone: If your case study reads like a terms-and-conditions doc, you’ve lost.

• Fluff Over Function: “Synergy” isn’t a strategy, it’s a buzzword burial ground.

• Format Fatigue: Not everything needs to be a 20-page PDF. Respect their scrolling thumbs.

Fix pls:

• Storytelling > Sales Pitches: Frame your SaaS platform as the hero saving businesses from chaos.

• Speak Like a Human: Swap “optimize scalable solutions” with “stop wasting time and money.”

• Experiment: Try a snappy LinkedIn video. A meme. A joke. (Gasp!)

The Golden Rule for Both? Be human.

Whether you’re shilling tokens or SaaS platforms, the rules are the same:

To Lifestyle Brands: If your product isn’t inherently aspirational (cough DEX cough), don’t force it. Be the best damn DEX, not a “wellness journey.”

To B2B Marketers: Your audience is smart. They’ll sniff out fluff. Cut the jargon. Add value. Be useful, not verbose.

Got questions? Feedback? You know where to find us 📞—we’re here to help you get organized, even if we’re still figuring out our own lives.

Until next week,

stay cookish. 🍪